Concerning Chocolate frog cards
by Glisteningsoul
Summary: Ever wondered how it is decided who will be on the Chocolate frog cards? And who will be the next candidate? One shot. OC, voldy, Lucius. My first fic be nice


TITLE: Concerning Chocolate frog cards, an unfortunate event.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters, I only wish I did. I do however own dear unfortunate Crinkle.  
SUMMARY: Ever wondered how it is decided who will be on the Chocolate frog cards? And who will be the next candidate? One shot. My first fic be nice

Crinkle Polpot was an unfortunate man, right from birth he has suffered from a lack of fortune but not the monetary kind. First he was accidentally dropped on his head and inexplicably due to the angle that he fell has had a square shaped head ever since, added to this was his parents bizarre choice to name him Crinkle and you can begin to see he was very unfortunate indeed. His ill-fated life continued on like this for the next 39 and ¾ years of his existence. However during this time and all the unfortunate instances he had experienced, Crinkle had never been subjected to quite unlucky event he would be today.

It was a quarter past four in the afternoon and Crinkle walked into his superior's lavish office, cautiously. The portly man had the feeling he wouldn't like the outcome of this meeting, after all he had nearly four decades of misfortune to attest to his bad luck for life in general. So as he sat down on the chair in front of his superiors desk he wondered for the six millionth time what he could have done in past life to deserve this kind of fate. Nevertheless as he sat down, mysteriously a rather optimistic thought entered his head. Perhaps the meeting would be a good thing and he would finally be getting the promotion he had been wanting for the past ten years.

Mr Dunharrow, Crinkle's superior smiled widely at Crinkle. This was disconcerting to Crinkle who knew Mr Dunharrow to be a severe man, who in all the years Crinkle knew him had never so much as twitched a lip at some of the most hilarious things that Crinkle had ever seen. So it was with great trepidation that Crinkle asked Mr Dunharrow  
"Sir, What is it you wanted to see me about?"  
"Ah yes Trinkle is it?" Mr Dunharrow boomed, for he was a large stout man.  
"Crinkle" Crinkle corrected  
"Yes, yes, Winkle." The huge man continued  
"Yes Pinkle, you have been working at our company for many, many years, as a representative. Inviting many of the rich and famous wizards and witches out there to be a part of our infamous and prestigious Chocolate frog wizard card collection."  
"So it our great pleasure" Mr Dunharrow went on still smiling phonely "to give you your greatest task yet. We want you to invite one of the greatest wizards alive to be part of our new wizarding card collection."

Crinkle breathed a sigh of relief maybe he was wrong, maybe for the first time in is life today would be his lucky day.

Mr Dunharrow took a big breath and spoke "Pinkle, we would like for you to go to Riddle Manor and make a request to He Who Shall Not Be Named to appear on the new edition of Chocolate frog cards."  
"Dinkle, I would also like to add that if you are successful in your task, you will receive that promotion you were wanting" Mr Dunharrow fished smiling brightly.

Crinkle decided that optimism really was a silly notion and certainly wasn't for him. He also wondered if perhaps his entire existence was in fact just one big cosmic joke.

* * *

The Representative of the Chocolate Frog corporation walked up to the front door of Riddle Manor cautiously, jumping a the slightest sound and searching frantically in the dark for a terrible monster that he expected would launch itself out at him. He continued on forebodingly to the door and rapped at it three times in quick succession.  
The door opened slowly and groaned with a low creak. Out of the darkness stepped Lord Voldemort himself.  
The representative started shaking so hard his glasses nearly fell of his nose and he was using all of his concentration to control his bodily functions.

Lord Voldemort sneered contemptuously at the representative and hissed out "Who are you?"

Finally the representative managed to get control of himself enough to squeak out  
"I.. I.. I... I'm Crinkle P.. Pol... Polpot, a representative for the Chocolate frog corporation."

He continued in a rushed stutter "Mr Rid... er... Lord Volde.. ah.. must be not named. W.. W.. We at the, the corporation would like to ask you if y.. you would like to be on one of the new cards released in the 82nd edition of the Chocolate frog cards?"

Lord Voldemort started at the Crinkle in bemused confusion.

Lucius came up from behind lord Voldemort and peered over his shoulder and sneered at the representative.  
"My Lord." He drawled "Is this plebeian annoying you? Would you like for me to get rid of him? I believe those Hell Hounds you ordered last week from 'Evil R Us' (TM) have just arrived, and Bella is looking for someone to try them out on."  
Lucius stared meaningfully at Crinkle and who "Meeped!" and began looking around wildly as if the Hell Hounds were about to appear.

Suddenly the glazed look the Dark Lord had taken on when Lucius came cleared and he started cackling loudly and then began to squeal with laughter like a girl. A wide maniacal grin broke out on his face.  
The representative and Lucius both took two large paces back from the Dark Lord and watched him warily.  
"My Lord?" Lucius queried with a degree of caution in his voice.

"No Lucius" Voldemort managed to gasp out. Still cackaling gleefuly.

Finally he straightened, turned to Lucius and with the maniacal grin still on his face proclaimed to Lucius, "Don't you see, this is it! This is really it! The pinnacle of my career!" He gestured widely and triumphantly.  
"Finally" he continued "What I've wanted all this time, my own Chocolate frog card. They love me! They really love me!" Voldemort bust into joyous tears.

Crinkle Polpot stared apprehensively and he and Lucius took another two steps back just for good measure.

"Lucius my friend" Lord Voldemort exclaimed "It just doesn't get better than this. This will show that Old Fool with bad hair, he doesn't have his own card-  
"Ah he doe-" Lucius and Crinkle broke in, but Voldemort continued on  
"and that bespectacled ninny too and all those people that everlaughed at me and Mr Snuggums"

Voldemort gleefully cackled and shouted "Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?"

Then he proceeded to walk off rubbing his hands frenziedly together, bouncing around and chattering on like an excitable Cheerleader who has forgotten to take her daily dose of Prozac.  
Lucius stared after the retreating Lord Voldemort contemplatively and thought to himself 'Well at least if Voldies ugly mug is going to be on all those cards it'll scare thousands of those little brats, talk about a face only a mother could love.'

Lucius then turned to the forgotten Representative who had slowly edged his way further away from the door of Riddle Manor, he glared.  
Crinkle Polpot "Eeeped!" and stuttered out "Err.. Er.. Is that a yes then?"  
Lucius just rolled his eyes.

* * *

So what do you think? Pleases leave feedback! I don't care if you tell me it sucked as long as you leave some. 


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